I lost my fortune, but it said something about being 'flexible' in bed (with monkeys)
We met for lunch at the Royal Palace, in New Haven, where we were met by L� Empress and her retinue � Golf Widow (and That Man of Hers) and the Bard�s Bitch. Among the truths that will be stretched from this weekend is that I have been received at the Royal Palace by the Empress, my presence at this event made it a State Dinner since I was there in my capacity as your democratically elected leader (who has less pull with Andrew than free members). Suburban Island was able to experience my poor driving (and parking!) in Mary J�s car no less, through a metropolitan area, Purple Chai had the good sense to travel with Summer Gale and Cosmic. Cosmic has no problem with people calling her Karen, but Cosmic is a much cooler name.
At this State Luncheon, hosted by L� Empress, there were three Librarians and two Elementary school teachers. I had commented to Golf Widow before the event that someone would be getting detention with that demographic included, officially Spritopias is giving That Man of Hers detention. While we were ordering food he mentioned how we were ordering pedestrian American Chinese Food (which is actually Korean Food, but I am not punishing him for that mistake) instead of REAL Chinese Food � but while this was going on he sharing about accompanying Golf Widow to Alabama (yuck) he shared about boiled peanuts and since I was on the opposite side of the table (at the right hand of Suburban Island, as it should be) I (am not the only one who) thought he said Boiled Penis.
I refuse to believe things have ever been that bad in China, or anywhere, that the men said, �This isn�t a lot � but you can eat it.�
I hereby assign detention to That Man of Hers, for failure to enunciate*. I do not care that people look down on me for eating Korean Food in a Chinese restaurant � I was killing your kind back when it meant something to be a Jedi � I do care that someone was going to lose their best friend so another American could eat lunch.
Other discussions were held, but in the interest of National Security, I cannot divulge what they were. Rest assured that everyone is every bit of charming and beautiful in person as they are online, and L� Empress is even more so. She picked up the tab for lunch at the Royal Palace (it was after all, her digs), which was incredibly generous. I cannot thank her enough. The only thing missing was Yvonne, who had more important things to do than attend a Diary Land State Luncheon.
I will tell you that we all agreed that Betty Already�s baby, Ben �the baby Kenobi� Already is the cutest baby (ever) and is now officially the Diary Land Baby.
Then we retired outside for pictures of the group, we lamented the absence of Alex Vance, who could have taken great pictures and by �taken great pictures� I mean, �used the pictures for ridiculous photo shops.�
While we were outside Summer Gale, �Diane,� was looking around the neighborhood and showed her party girl colours when she gave one diarist the impression she was going into a gay bar looking for straight men (honest honey, I was just using the bathroom!) the diarist said, �Diane, there are pretty boys in there but they are not going to be interested in you!� Diane endeared herself unto Spritopias forever when she turned her head (very supermodel � and next time take Lucy Liu�s advice and �flip the damn hair�) �Yes, they will be!� And laughed her infectious laugh, which was the life of the party.
I am not here to debate this with you; we disagree. I believe that homosexuals are born �that way� and they cannot be �cured� because they are not �sick.� However, if homosexuality was a choice or sickness from which individuals could be cured, I am here to tell you: Diane is the girl to do it. Also, Diane lies about her age. There is no way she is in her 50s.
Suburban Island, Mary J and I then traveled unto Yale so that we could go to there Barnes and Noble where I read a book for my class (one page!) and have now studied at Yale, gave someone information giving me the accolade of having taught there and while at their Faux Starbucks (we were looking for Kipp) the Yale Student who worked there was rude to Suburban Island and Mary (people are always rude to me, this is by no means an event) marking them for Death by Halliburton. If our three most recent presidents have anything it is great people skills, and they all went to Yale, I thought people skills were taught at Yale since every Yale Alum I know is personable (eat it, Harvard). Apparently, they learned it somewhere else. We waited there forever, and had to pay extra on our parking because of that chump.
Then, we went to their Spirit Store where I bought a Yale shirt so when I am in Nebraska I can regale them with stories about how I studied and taught at Yale.
We traveled out to the hotel again, where I got us lost again, and chatted it up with the other diarists and went to dinner with Summer Gale, Suburban Island, Mary J and at first with Purple Chai who bailed for the love of rest, at a mediocre Italian Restaurant where Summer Gale announced that, �I need a booze.� I did not a booze, or as many boozes as I had.
We had a spirited discussion at dinner, decided to revamp my site to something different, and had a great time. I also nearly got my ass kicked in the bathroom where I told the kid with the Gotti hair that he was incredibly vain. I am sorry, but I have never had to wait in line to use the sink in a men�s room and I am not going to stand there and wait while someone makes their head look like a one of those terracotta heads that grow fungus as pets for people allergic to goldfish.
We then talked about things I was too drunk to remember in Cosmic Crayola�s hotel room and then we went to sleep. I do remember us making banners for Diane, making tawdry comments into Cosmic�s comments section and calling my sister. I usually do not drink, I avoid drunkenness and am ashamed to admit it but you should check the attendees list to see what happened because anything I tell you is probably made up.
Today, we returned Suburban Island to the airport and her family, Mary J and Purple Chai returned to their state southern to us, Cosmic and Summer Gale returned to points east (after conquering IKEA!). Normally, I have no interest in meeting people from Diary Land but I had a really good time and hope that there can be other meet ups like this.
*I fixed that on Tessa's selection.
