leading people into sin
At my second job, I was able to witness Impromptu Pimp My Ride. Basically, the kids at work have taken the idea from the hit MTV show of taking someone�s car, pouring hundreds of dollars of superfluous improvements without improving the Blue Book Value and setting someone off to annoy their neighbors and other motorists. This is the Second Job variation: separate a manager from their keys, take the car to Wal Mart and add things to the car using the money one of the managers wins at the casino and hides from his wife in the spare tire compartment of his van. note to moms: this is where we are hiding our drugs, porn, alcohol and other contraband � which in my house included Harry Potter and Eminem
The democrats should hold out on Bolton and Negroponte, they are unattractive. Who wants ugly bureaucrats? On the other hand, they must be competent because they were not nominated for their looks or sense of style; there is no safe place to rest your eyes on either of those men. I am really glad that Barbara Boxer realized that she is a Senator in the opposition and started acting like it. It only took her until the President was reelected (or elected, depending on your perspective) to finally get all Ross Perot on our asses with the charts and diagrams. She must have been at the hairdresser three and four years ago when her fellow Democrats were enthusiastically supporting No Child Left Behind, the �Patriot� Act and the Iraqtile Dysfunction because it would take about three years to make someone look that idiotic.
And Jane Fonda wrote a book. This is the only sound argument that Taliban had for keeping girls home, out of schools, and illiterate. Who is Jane Fonda? B Movie Star, exercise video guru (now with bulimia!), and an activist so inept that she makes Al Sharpton, and Jesse Jackson seem informed and adroit. This absurd book is right up there with Richard Pryor sobering up and telling me to boycott Kentucky Fried Chicken because they are cruel to chickens when they raise them, because a traumatized chicken tastes differently than an emotionally adjusted one when you eat it.
My students asked me what I thought the hardest teaching of Jesus was, I told them that the hardest teaching of Jesus was the story of Mary and Martha. For those of you who unfamiliar with the Bible, for instance if you teach at my school, the story of Mary and Martha is very confusing. Jesus was traveling around teaching and he stopped at Mary and Martha�s house. Martha busied herself cooking, cleaning and getting �stuff� done and Mary sat down and listened to Jesus teach instead of helping her sister and Martha was apparently wrong for keeping house. I am amused that the domestic maven of the Bible is Martha, as well as in our present time. This confuses me and causes me grief because there is a lot of logistics to take care of and I have a hard time seeing the business end of things being unimportant.
Why was everyone named Mary? My friend Jerrod is a closeted homosexual and a catholic priest who when struggling with the sexuality/faith dichotomy was not supported at all by myself when I reminded him that Jesus was okay with gay people and you can tell by the fact that everywhere he went he was followed by a pack of Mary�s � I was only trying to be helpful and succeeded not at all. But seriously, you cannot throw a cat at a parable and not hit a Mary. I would not try this at home as throwing cats at homosexuals is a hate crime unto cats and homosexuals, angering the Golf Widow in triplicate.
I was bragging after my God Son, Ben (jamin�) Already, telling them, �This is exciting to me because babies are inherently unattractive and I always feel forced to lie to people and tell them, �Oh that�s precious,� and not add, �please bury it.�
It is terribly rude to tell someone that has just unceremoniously squeezed a live human out of the body that their efforts were in vain and their baby is hideous. Liars go to Hell, and if I go to Hell I want it to be for something spectacular � not telling someone their baby was cute when I want to chide the mother for sneaking it up on people.
The Baby Kenobi is a very cute little boy and his parents should proud, and congratulated, for not having a baby that makes people sin.
