an open letter to the local Ghetto Force
Dear Ghetto Force,
I would like to express my extreme gratitude for breaking into my car; stealing my compact disks, the charger for my phone, the charger for my Palm Pilot, my maps of Nashville and Cincinnati and the change found in the commemorative addition Christine Butler Bank; breaking into Emily�s car; stealing her Propel Fitness Water and, in general, ruining my weekend.
How thoughtful of you to do this on Friday night so that whole weekend could be ruined instead of just part of it! Your prior planning that caused this to happen on a long weekend was especially well received since the cars cannot be fixed until Tuesday! I don�t know what I would do without your thoughtfulness!
In addition to this being a holiday weekend it also looks like rain, what a joy! My car needed a good washing out and frankly, so did Emily�s. Now, with no windows in the back of our cars, they�ll get the good washing out that they need. I don�t know what I would do without people like you as neighbors. Without concerned citizens such as you I think the whole community, society itself, would implode.
I hope that you�re enjoying the complete discography of Sheryl Crow, Tori Amos and Radiohead. I know that I enjoyed spending my hard earned money on those compact disks and it warms my heart to know that you�ll be enjoying them as well now that I, apparently, no longer need them. I hope that you have same cellular phone as I do considering you now have the charger, put it to good use calling all of your friends.
I only regret not leaving the phone in the car as well � and my Palm Pilot since you have that charger too! I really should think before I act and put you first. Next time I�ll leave cash in the car as well as my miscellaneous belongings so that you can buy anything too big to leave in the car that you may have wanted as well such as my washer and dryer, my television or DVD player.
In your response please leave a list of anything that I have that you may want. I feel terrible that the money I pay in taxes to fund Food Stamps, the WIC food voucher program, public schools, the Welfare money, free medical care and social security you enjoy just isn�t enough. I should stop being so selfish. Next time I�ll take care not to lock my doors to save you the effort of breaking my windows.
In closing, I�d like you to remember to vote Democratic, it�s easier than getting a job. God forbid your life of leisure and criminal activity be impared by the acquisition of a work ethic or basic employment. Feel free to let me know if there is anything else I can do for you because I am racked with guilt thinking that I haven�t done enough for you already; I beg your forgiveness.
Sincerely,
Christopher Stewart
Today�s Prank!
Sara, called Emo by some, is out of town and it is our stated goal to fill her guest book while she�s out of town. You can only sign once an hour but please sign often.
Sarah Emo�s Guest Book! My goal? I want her at 2000 signings by close of business Sunday! Get signing!
