My Vagina Monologue

Today in the kitchen we were discussing childbirth and some very strange people we know. You know those people who give birth in their living room or film it.

I used to baby sit a lot. I made a ton of money doing it but there was one kid that I had to stop babysitting because not only did he never want to do anything besides watch television he wanted to watch his own birth on video. I�m sorry but the last thing I want to see is a thirty-year-old vagina squeezing out a test tube baby. It�s one thing in health class but it�s quite another when you know the woman attached to the vagina in question.

I don�t dispute the beauty of childbirth but I don�t want to watch it.

More disturbing to me are those granola people that want you to come over to their house and sit with them in the living room while they give birth. Maybe I don�t get out much but the whole idea of sitting around with the neighbors, the neighbor�s vagina and their family doesn�t sound like fun to me. It�s not even interesting on a sociological level.

I would think that anything involving your vagina would be personal but apparently I�m wrong. I think that having people near the childbirth would be nice but in the room is too much for me.

In the future, tell me about it when it�s over. Don�t invite me in to see your vagina squeeze out a human. I know it�s earthy and granola but I am neither of those things. I care but I don�t need a visual aide, thanks anyway.