What I want in a job
Okay, so I’m not in the job of my dreams. Someone said to me today that, “this job isn’t good enough for you, is it?” You’re right, that job and no job seems to be “good enough.” Here is what I want out of a job, and to be honest it wouldn’t be good enough without these perks:
1. I want my office to be in the shape of an oval. Not a circle, not a square, not a rectangle. I want an oval office.
2. I want them to play, “Hail to the Chief” whenever I enter a room. Maybe not the bathroom or the kitchen when I cheat on my diet, but definitely other rooms. I know that other people with this perk don’t have this happen as much but let’s face it. What does the Secretary of the Interior or Alan Greenspan REALLY do ALL day that they can’t scurry around with a tape recorder to make me happy?
3. I want all traffic to stop when I am on the road and move over, I want air space cleared when I fly on my plane or my helicopter, I want the Mall emptied so I can shop.
4. My wife should be referred to as the First Lady and get to rant about conspiracies on the television before usurping a perfectly good Senate seat out of the State of New York.
5. I want a bowling alley and a movie theatre in my house.
6. The fat daughter of a California Oncologist to be my concubine.
That’s not a lot to ask for, so it shouldn’t be that hard to put together. I will not settle for “Queen of England” she has to wear a big hats and frumpy clothes, wave and carry a heavy ass purse.
