Cuba and other time zone free islands
KILLING CHILDREN
I would never try to kill my own children the last time I battled one I lost, terribly in a Battle Royale that left me disemboweled and taken down more than just one notch. I almost never loose, that day I lost. I can't even point to a strategic retreat I could have taken. Sarah ripped my brain out and made me eat it; she left no survivors. She tore Nate up so much that when it came time to give my rebuttal at the end of the round I had nothing to say. There was no case left.
Usually when I lost a debate round it was on a technicality and if I lost on the issue I still held the moral high ground. Melinda (longest serving debate partner) refused to EVER surrender that hill. Yes, imagine Melinda on a hill pockmarked with cannon balls screaming �Don�t turn their advantages into disadvantages until you can see the whites of their beady little eyes!� Neophyte debaters huddled around Melinda and the Rhinoceros Flag - leading them to moral superiority. She�s a regular George Washington of the debate world. We were not Al Gore; we weren�t going to say what you wanted to hear to win. That was probably missing the point but we didn�t care. We were right and that was better than having won but at the same time loosing something important. However, we had a problem combating that, which was completely ridiculous.
We heard TWICE that Puerto Rico was off the coast of Somalia and needed by the U.S. in case we had to bomb them.
We heard that Lime Disease killed more people in the United States than guns, cigarettes and car accidents combined every year. Why hadn�t anything been done about it? No one famous had gotten it so it�s not important to the people of America. Famous people had AIDS and that�s why we cared about it. We lost that round because I said, �I don�t believe that this information is factually accurate � it contradicts all the information the Federal Government has ever produced on either topic as well conventional wisdom.� I went on to explain how that was true. I was nice; I was supported by facts. I got �chided� by this judge from Louisiana for calling the other team liars in the round. I�m sorry, that�s just damn ridiculous and it�s not even true. I told him that he could go ahead vote against us � they had lied and they were liars even if the word, �lie,� had never crossed my lips. The judge said he�d call my coach but he never did. What a poser, I�m going to tell your coach. Good job. Want my mom�s number too?
The other winning statement we heard was that Radio Free Cuba was dumb because Cuba is seven time zones away from America and no one is awake in Cuba during our daytime. Hmm. 90 miles south of Cuba and somehow in another time zone, SEVEN time zones away. We lost that too because I said that Time Zones were divided on east/west lines because the Earth�s rotation causes the sun to rise in the east and set in the west. What was the reason I was voted against? I swear to God this was the reason � I used Cold War Era East/West rhetoric and I didn�t understand the concept of Time Zones. I understand Time Zones and that the PEOPLE who voted against us were idiots. We had a panel of three judges and that�s why two voted against us.
The most ridiculous thing I�ve voted for? I voted to build windmills all over Kansas to produce electricity using the Federal Government�s money. There was no reason to vote for that and I did because the opposition team decided to flagrantly flash their crotch-less panties at my timekeeper and myself SEVERAL TIMES. It was disgusting. If you�re going to show me your vagina it had better be a clean one.
I know you wanted to read something else, but this is what was bouncing around my head.
