Heifer.yourmom.com
I got a catalog today called, �Heifer International.� At first I thought that the creepy pornography I get in my e-mail was being sent to my home. I�m embarrassed as it is to get that stuff in my e-mail that only I see but now to get it in the mail. I thought to myself, �Self, we�re going to have to move.� I hate moving. I have a chair on wheels because I�m just that lazy. A closer look at the cover has Susan Sarandon cuddling with llamas making her look Bad like Michael Jackson. I was afraid to open it, but I figured, �Why the hell not?�
It�s a catalog where you pay for OTHER PEOPLE to have pets or working animals in other countries as GIFTS for other people. I�ll tell you this: I would not be impressed with this gift. I think helping other people is cute and all but I want gifts. I don�t want some Laotian family to have a goat and I could care less if that kid in the Congo has his own chicken. ME! It�s all about ME! SHOW ME THE MONEY. Give me the presents. I don�t usually get presents. And I�d be PISSED OFF if you thought that the one time that I got a present that I�d want someone else to get something cool in MY NAME.
I don�t think Llamas are cool but go to www.heifer.com and check it out your self. It isn�t cheep.
An actual heifer costs $500; make my car payment for TWO WHOLE MONTHS. You�d be a bigger hero to me than to some poor person. Besides, you know me. You don�t know them. You don�t have to deal with them when they�re broke and cranky. Bitch, you owe me money. Just give me the cash if you have $500 to rent someone you don�t know a cow.
A goat or a sheep costs $120. If I�m not getting laid I don�t see why some Sudanese guy should get to. You could also get a pig for that much, but I�m not much into police/fireman fantasies.
A Llama costs $150. I�d take the pass on being compared to Michael Jackson and settle for a new pair of Ecco shoes or Birkenstocks. Perhaps I�d take the Llama if I got to dress up like a Third World Dictator and hang with Webster. I don�t, keep your llama.
You can get a Water Buffalo for $250. For that you can get me the jacket from Abercrombie and Fitch instead. That would keep kids in Guatemala employed for months. What would you use a Buffalo for anyway?
A flock of chicks or a flock of cock, depending on your personal preference, costs $20. I wouldn�t know what to do with the one and I have one of the other and I�m not using it. However, you�ll never get a price like that again. I�d jump on that if I were you. I don�t know what I�d use the $20 for but it�s wasteful to have a bunch of stuff you�re never going to use.
