In which I blame Irish Eyes

I woke up feelings terrible because I cheated on my diet to have dinner with a friend. Terri is to blame with her incessant talk of Taco Bell. My blood sugar is terrible. I am not sure Stevie was worth it. The next time I go off my diet will be March 5, when I have dinner with Mary in Pennsylvania. I am back on my diet for the next five long weeks. Mary, I am saving myself for you (and Bucca). I blame Irish Eyes for this feeling of crapulence.

I love that everyone I ever see wearing a shirt that says �Athletic Department� on it obviously have never seen the inside of one. I have two of those shirts, given to me by a cousin while were cleaning out a closet which had become a lost and found repository of things left at their home. There were many great things in the closet, some of your received them as Christmas presents. I think re-gifting is tacky; this is not re-gifting. It was an incredibly clever way to clean a closet. I am too lazy for eBay.

In church today the pastor who was giving the children�s sermon got an important fact wrong and I corrected him. I had meant to just say it to Barbara sitting next to me but apparently but announced it to everyone. My ignorance of acoustics will haunt me forever. The congregation was divided between people laughing at my comment or looking at me with the mild disgust reserved for people who pee in swimming pools. The pastor would not make eye contact with me after church but the other pastor reminded me, �you say what everyone else is already thinking.� It�s true.

Today a woman who looked remarkably like Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice came into my second job. I am pretty sure it was not Dr. Rice; I noticed that she had a pack of children with her. They were filthy and she started to beat them prompting me to say, �Ma�am, please beat your children at home.� We all know that if it were Secretary Rice she would have eaten the children and not bothered with our establishment. I love that woman.

Finally, to address some concerns about the management of Diary Land. Kipp is safe in an undisclosed secure Starbucks, Nicky, in her role as Attorney General, assures us that Kipp can continue with her duties from anywhere, especially a place with wireless internet service, coffee, hot baristas and cupcakes. I am not looking for a new Vice-President, (or Vice President for the grammar impaired) and resent the notion that Kipp is not top-notch. You will answer to Halliburton for this outrage.