I don't care if I do get to strap a knife to my calf

Apparently in college I agreed to wear a kilt in someone�s wedding and now they�re calling in the favor. My last name is the same as that of the Scottish Royal Clan so finding an appropriate tartan to match the wedding colors wouldn't be hard. Unfortunately I will not be showing up at any wedding, or any event, in a plaid skirt with a white ruffled shirt, half jacket with patent leather shoes and matching bag. I don�t care if I get to wear a knife strapped to my calf; not if I have fairy wings strapped to my back. If I were to dress like that I would prance on over to Cincinnati carrying a sign (that would match my skirt) that read, �Please, beat me down.�

I will never earn my testicles merit badge pulling off stunts like that. Even I am not about to run around the world dressed up in kilt. I don�t care if Scottish people do it. I have a news flash for you, I�m not Scottish. It�s a great part of their heritage. My people wear tiny leather shorts and hats with feathers. I don�t wear that. I�m not about to celebrate Saint Andrew�s Day like a native, speaking of Andrew, he�d throw me in the river for that kind of stunt.

Don�t get me wrong, if that�s a part of your culture I think it�s great. I have no idea what possessed me to say I�d do that � it was probably for the comedy of it all but now I�m thinking, �Me in a dress? That�s not so funny.�