every where we go, we see the same hose

Each week my students write sentences with their spelling words. This is their homework. This week �hose� was one of their words but T decided to write, �Do not date hose, they are dirty.� I would like to have died. Then, later in the day we were reviewing how seeds are dispersed. The four ways are (according to a science book older than the children) wind, water, burs attaching to animal fur (we call that Velcro) and animals eating the fruit of a plant and passing the seed (we call that pooping). Well, J was telling T about his questionable parentage and T (not the brightest stripe in our rainbow) says, �J you were dispersed by a bear!�

Then, the other day I was teaching the day away and forgot to teach math. The students did not correct me on this because math = homework. Well, the math homework happens if math happens or not as they have workbooks that travel back and forth with them. I got a phone call, fifteen minutes after school ended at home from T and M (brother and sister) because they did not get the homework because we did not have math. This prompted me to have to call all the kids in my class (or try to). The nurse informed me that, �This number is no longer in service� is the official phone number for our town.

Well, I called the first home on my list. I call the class gossip first because that should do most of my work for me. He answers the phone and says, �MOM, it�s Mr. %$@&!� You hear mom ask something in the background but you cannot tell what it is and then you hear him reply (because he did not bother to move the phone from his face) NO, I AM NOT EXPECTING THIS PHONE CALL!�

Today when I got to my classroom the door was locked (as usual) but the deadbolt was broken so we were locked outside of the classroom. I am glad that it happened with us on the outside instead of on the inside of the classroom. I thought at first that my key had decided to become defective (which has happened) so I asked the Principal (conveniently located next door) to open up my room for me. The dead bolt was indeed dead. The janitor does not come in until ten so the principal and I had to take the door off the hinges and take it out of the frame. I really just handed him things because I have no idea what he was doing and I would put money down that he did not know either. My doorframe is torn up and the janitor took the dead bolt off and hung the door back up. It was quite the adventure. When he finally had the door off the hinges, he threw it. The children cheered for him. I think this is the most exciting thing that has happened in school since a kid collapsed with meningitis.