spritopias in love
Your first love is always special to you and you never get over that heartbreak. I hope that I�m wrong about that. I think, �ouch,� every time I heard the name, �Misty,� a thoroughly white trash name, I know, but you only get to chose friends and lovers � not your parents and family. You can�t help where they came from and what they think is a nice name. She was beautiful, inside and out � she was popular, graceful, had a keen intellect and possessed talent and potential that few could rival. I have no idea why she was dating me. We dated in Germany and both moved to the same general area in the United States.
We didn�t really, �break up� but grew apart when it became a median distance issue. She lived in Missouri half an hour away from where I lived in Kansas. Neither of us could drive, we had licenses but it was a long distance for a new driver and a public danger for either of us to drive to the mailbox. Funny that we used to walk to each other�s village in Germany but the Missouri River was a bit of a barrier. For some reason a small distance that made daily contact feasible was great and during the summer when it was a long distance (I was on Long Island for the actual �move� to Kansas) it had that hidden romance of letter writing and stolen phone calls.
We didn�t have sex, although we almost did and she wanted to, I�m glad we didn�t. It keeps that first experience with love and dating pure and something I�m not horrified to tell my potential children (even I shudder at that thought) about. It�s also nice to think back on that and think, �My virginity is self-imposed� and not the consensus of my female peers with self-esteem.
Oh, and yes, I am still very much in love with Melissa Potter and never wasn�t, you don�t stop loving a woman like that either. I wasn�t good enough for her and not quite what she needed and to be fair, she wasn�t and isn�t right for me. We�re right for other people but that doesn�t make it any easier to move. Right now, Melissa is checking her calendar, thinking, �How long ago was that? Get over it.�
On another note,
One of my friends today decided to bulldoze me. That�s okay. I�ll live. What�s funny is that my friend�s complaint about me � which may have seemed valid from their perspective � isn�t and I�m really tired of the third hand knowledge of things. I feel bad that I hurt their feelings � really quite terrible but I don�t think that this is getting us anywhere. I�m not really hurt by anything as much as I�m distressed that I hurt someone else�s feelings.
