some lights seem eternal
in this springtime of hope

the toughest glue on planet earth

May 08, 2005
I am doing this low carb diet and for the most part, I have been successful. I have not gotten myself down to the size of an Olsen Twin but I have not backslid into a Star Jones. We recently bought Breyer�s low carb Butter Pecan Ice Cream. Who knew it would have such large pecans, and who knew they would be salted pecans, too! This is perhaps the single most disgusting flavor of ice cream I have ever tasted, at least with Anchovy Ice Cream you know what you are getting. It is also possible, however unlikely, that my knowledge of food and its presentation is limited and I missed the �the pecans are supposed to be salty,� part. I do not like creamy and salty in my mouth at the same time, insert your own �icky� pun.


Yesterday I was reading Time Magazine and since I had read this magazine cover to cover twice already I started to read the drug information from the advertisements. Okay, I admit I was reading in the bathroom.

VIAGRA has the best information on the drug information. Do not give VIAGRA to infants, do not give VIAGRA to children, do not give VIAGRA to women This means YOU, Michael Jackson. Do not share your VIAGRA. Use only under the supervision of a Doctor. If I were a doctor, I would prescribe no one VIAGRA if I had to supervise them using it.

Then there was the admonishing that if you have chest pains, dizziness, or nausea during sex that you should stop, and I had spent my whole life thinking that was natural, it happened to every guy, and it was nothing to be ashamed about. Also, they said the most common side effects were headaches (in the man or woman?) flushing of the face (from embarrassment?) and an upset stomach (if she upsets your stomach, it is best to blame it on the VIAGRA).

The craziest boss I have ever had gave us packets to place in our bathrooms and read while we were there. This was far more enlightening.


I realized a month ago that the pastor of the church I live in leaves copies of his Sunday sermon on a lectern outside the sanctuary on Saturday afternoons. I realized today that when I grab the sermon ahead of time and realize how boring church is going to be I do not end up going. This is not such a great thing. I should really just go to a church that does not bore me to tears.

Today we learned in church that parents are screwing up their kids and making them worldly by pushing them to succeed. Have a happy Mother�s Day, you big fat failures! I am sure we would get the same sermon on Father�s Day but studies show that fathers are not as influential in their children�s lives. They could be influential but we don�t know how our baby daddy be. The Bible is full of stories about inspirational mothers, they could given a trite sermon on them that might have entertained the people drug out for holidays, but no, we have to bore people who come to church only a few times a year.

11:10 AM :: 8 comments so far ::
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