The Surgeon General reports that Blue Grass has corrosive effects on the human brain
Top Ten Things I Need To Stop Saying but won�t:
1. (Blank) is the new black
2. (Blank) is my Kryptonite
3. What would (blank) do?
4. That�s thirty-one flavors of (blank)
5. variations on faux/uber
6. It�s the Christian thing to do only when it is clearly not the Christian thing to do
7. And by (blank) I may have meant (blank)
8. Watch your mouth, Halliburton is listening
9. I am going to return (person) to Costco when I finally get around to returning Kofi Annan
10. I know, right
Today is Nicky�s twenty-sixth birthday. For her birthday, I am allowing her to defile me as her quarter-life crisis because there is nothing like an affair with the President (of Diary Land) but also to disgracing a member of the clergy! It is fantastic.
I was reviewing how people find me via Google to discover that someone at Live Journal is using some of my material. I know the person doing it and for a while, I trolled their journal, looking around for the comedy of it. We used to be friends, but they tired of my society and discarded me like a used Kleenex.
Kipp and I report disappointment in not being badmouthed at all in the journal. The only reference to either of us is a passing comment about something insensitive the �former friend who never really was� said when my �grandmother who wasn�t really� died. I spend a lot of time being indignant about her memory being disrespected by people who are not Daniel or I when she never really had a relationship with either of us. For the record, Jesus traveling by Flying Dolphin was always my idea, my sister coined �Mother Superiority Complex,� and oddly enough my Mother was the one who ordered the raspberry filled chocolate crucifixes for Shelly and I (they were fantastic).
If you are going to dislike either of us, you have a moral imperative to badmouth us in a very dramatic and childish way. It�s the Christian thing to do. Utilizing the services of the Buzz Net to humiliate us is acceptable as well.
I was mature when I saw �the former friend who never really was� at Christmas and for a moment, I forgot I was Spritopias, and I was polite to him. I wanted to snark him. I wanted to snark hard, fast and finally. Marie and Jeremy both told me before I returned to my parent�s house to behave and not get into it with people.
Marie and Jeremy are friends that have passed the test of time and proven to have my best interests at heart when dealing with me, I always follow their independent (and oddly unanimous) advice or spend a great deal of time regretting it. One of them said, �The difference is I would never judge you, but I do care about you. I am here for you no matter what.�
I keep forgetting that in my academic home we were incubated in a climate, not of sex, drugs, and alcohol but in a climate of sex, drugs, alcohol, and forgiveness. I may have been incubated as a child in an environment where I felt ignored but I have always been (and will always remain) the most watched offspring and the Dauphin. I am shown a great deal of deference, favoritism, and handled like so many Faberge eggs. In short, I am used to asking and receiving or being asked for and dispensing forgiveness while being handled with the care reserved for plutonium. I am more dangerous than a Kennedy. The idea that someone could be so cruel and offensive without it bothering him shocks me not at all.
He might even be sad to know that he is not my nemesis and not the one who got �W � Still the President� stickers on his car, a discourtesy compliments of Kipp and I. I am surprised by the whole way I was dumped and flushed as a friend because I knew our friendship was over when I moved to Stepford. He never returned my calls or emails, except for the two weeks before I returned to my parent�s house for a brief time in the summer when he called every day, always when I was at work or in New Jersey and unavailable, and then was unavailable when I was not in work or out of New Jersey. Then I feel for an elaborate scheme of his where he stood me up, knew that given a day of not hearing from him that I would say something here and he could tell all of our former mutual friends that I had been horrible to him. The funny thing is that since he had not talked to me in months, I was just going to leave him be when I was home and not bother with him. I am too busy with other things in life to spend my time with people who would rather be doing other things.
The one thing that was said to me by one of our former mutual friends was, �you have changed,� and I have since I moved to Connecticut. Here is the result of my compulsive list making on the topic:
Things that have changed since I moved to Connecticut:
1. My waste size (decreased)
2. Mental Health (improved)
3. Friendships (matured, less peer pressures)
4. Cousinhood, I have finally �stepped up to the plate� as Hazel wanted me to
5. I was installed into my religious order and take my profession seriously (for once)
6. My ego has inflated
7. My writing (improved, matured)
8. My circle of friends has expanded and contracted into what is manageable and something to actual write home about
Things that have remained the same:
1. Poor taste in music
2. My quixotic flirtations liberal ideology and conservative practicality
3. Shoe size
4. My personality and my writing voice
