amber alert: someone took my stunt double
Today, I went to the Sprint PCS Store to have my number changed from my area code in Kentucky to the area code here. I thought I would be coming to you to remind you that when you go to the cell phone store, they put you in a line with people and their unruly kids to wait for them to have time to help you. I think this waiting time is a warm up for their incompetence because after waiting in line for twenty minutes you are humored by the fact that the person is going to run out fat (ten more minutes) to pee and get a soda. I too had to pee and would have loved a soda but if I had left, I would have lost my spot in line.
The next time I wait in a line that long, Space Mountain better be at the other end of it and not Iris. Iris had no idea what was going on or how to switch a phone number over an area code. However, unlike most people in retail she did not know how to admit this and pass you off on management thus eating more of my time. Finally, after changing my number three times she asked for help and I was directed to use a red phone to call customer service.
Why is the phone red? They outsourced those jobs and as you know, the red phone on the President�s desk in Washington rings at the Kremlin in Moscow, this phone rang some place south of the Mason Dixon where they say they want English as the official language of the United States while refusing to use it themselves. That took forty-five minutes because of the language barrier between New England and the South and the inability of the person on the other end of the line to use the computer. He tried five times to change my phone number.
When they change your number across area codes they have to cancel and restart your contract, each time they do that there is a forty-five dollar activation fee and a two hundred dollar cancellation fee, which they wave. However, Billy Bob did not remember to do this so I had not left the store five minutes when I tried to respond to a phone call from my attorney and stunt double, Nicky about her date last night with Donald Trump. Yes, Kipp and I know she is a name-dropping tramp. Look at her in that dress.
Well, my phone would not work so I had to call customer service about my bill. My bill was $1,365. I was floored. I have incurred phone bills to rival that when my best friends were split between the Benelux and Japan but I am mindful of my phone charges now that I pay for them and not my father. How did this happen? The person at �customer care� was careless and made a fixable error that took an hour of me on the phone to correct. I went to Hallmark, Stop and Shop, got a haircut and marched in protest of the Democrats inability to seriously run for President (honestly guys, you don�t even get points for effort on that last one). By the time I had gotten everything ironed out, I had a thousand messages from Nicky. She was stuck between a coif and a hard head.
That is right, her wild night with Donald Trump got her stuck in his hair. It is about as immovable as President Bush�s domestic policy, quixotic as his foreign policy and as frightening as his grammar. Thank God for Larry King, he found her but we are still not able to actually get her out of there! We are relying on the team that got Baby Jessica out of the well to get Nicky freed from Donald�s hair. Yes, Kipp and I told her: tie a board around you ass or you are a goner.
There will be a prayer vigil for her with candles and s�mores at my house. Party on Wayne.
(the entry before this is new too, a meme � yuck. Meme is a rime of lame!)
