inauguration day

Yesterday at the grocery, I was accused of trying to shoplift. I do look shifty so I am not surprised when people assume I am up to no good but I am sure that most people would have a hard time walking out of Stop and Shop with a cabbage in their pocket. I was not accused of trying to steak the low carb candy bar or Atlantic Monthly. I was accused of trying to steal a cabbage. I bet you didn�t know teachers had it that bad. That was my karma for yesterday because I was solicited to subscribe to the local newspaper and declined claiming that I was illiterate and would have no use for the newspaper. Then, diary land died before I could share this with you. The Vice-President of Diary Land is quoted as saying, �Where were you? I expect you to be here to say something stupid and then I say something about recreational drug use!�

I thought it was the Armageddon and in the future when that happens; do not let your hearts be troubled because I can be found elsewhere online for your entertainment purposes (and porpoises). Michael Moore will be making a film about how, as President, I planned this attack and will later blame it on the same fundamentalists who took down Live Journal last week.

Golf Widow officiated the Diary Land inauguration today, as the King Pin of Diary Land, swearing in Cree Patron as Vice-President, I, Kipples Rodham Topias do solemnly swear to burn people with cigarettes, steal from children and have Halliburton kill the enemies of the State when I very well feel like it, but will not interrupt SIMS for it � so help me Suburban Island after we had sworn her in she had to leave to smoke and I was sworn in as President of Diary Land, I, Christopias W. Spritopher do solemnly swear to remain irreverent, caustic and adroit in the use of the common tongue upholding and defending grammar, spelling and the correct use of euphemisms, colloquialisms and spellings in a properly formatted, aesthetically appealing template � so help me Suburban Island.

Protesters in support of whirled peas and freeing bound periodicals could be heard as well as ill informed diarists who cannot form sentences claiming that I would reap what I sewed, Colleen responded to these critics stating that I cannot sew and that is why she had been appointed the Fashionista General of Diary Land. This is absurd, because everyone knows that I am the first man to break the glass ceiling and join the illustrious �Sewing Circle,� a junta of Illuminati linked diarists alleged to be led by a triumvirate of women (Forty-Plus, Suburban Island, Trinity Sixty-Three) who are controlling the Government, the plot to free Martha Stewart, driving up the prices of Gold and Super Gold Memberships, and holding Andrew hostage (thus the slow pace of tech request turn-around). All three were at the secure, undisclosed location where Trinity Sixty-Three is in exile (a local Starbucks) and not available for comment.

The Inaugural Ball will be postponed due to the season premier of The Apprentice and Vice-President Kipples is demanding 63% more cleavage in her inaugural ball gown.