every once in a while there is an entry that could change the world - this is not it
Pre Entry Promotional Moment
Cosmic Crayola�s grandchild is in a cute baby contest, you can follow that link and vote for her grandchild. You will vote for the Cosmic Grandchild, you will give the baby a ten. I would appreciate it if you went and gave that baby a ten, maybe two tens.
The Entry
I am on my second day of my diet and I am amazed at how much energy and enthusiasm I have. It is making me sick, I have accidentally become one of those perky people I cannot stand. I signed up for this fully aware that I would have to trade waffles for bacon and potato chips for celery dipped in herbs, I knew I was going to pee a lot and maybe even have trouble moving my bowels. I was prepared for this, I woke up ready to face these sacrifices for the great good of my health. I was not prepared, nor willing, to become personable and effervescent, better chubby than chipper.
Kipp has been encouraging although she did give me this warning, You will lose the weight and waste down to the size of one of those Olsen Twins and one day you will be looking in at the pastries at Starbucks and forsake your bacon and balloon from Mary Kate to Star Jones in minutes. If you are not listing Kipp as a favorite already, I have no idea what your problem is.
The other side effect of this diet comes in with the new vitamins I am taking. These vitamins turn my urine colors. This reminded me of when I was Kindergarten and I would intentionally take too many blue and purple Flintstone Kids vitamins so I would pee a bright blue/green. It was exciting and it was a cool thing to show the other kids. Remember, this is Kindergarten.
I went to a Baptist School at the time and peeing blue was the least of the trouble I caused that year. My best friend was expelled because she wore a Thor (god of Thunder) helmet as much as possible and such an extent that it had been wrestled off her head more than once.
The worst thing I remember doing was during show and tell. For my birthday, some bizarre relative got me underwear with Superman on them. I had forgotten my show and tell so I dropped my pants to show everyone my superman underwear. I would switch back to the man-panty, tighty-whitey variety IF and only if they came in the Superman style (blue with the S diamond in the front on that elaborate folding action in the front).
It became show and tell not just for me, but also, for Curtis and David, and all the boys who were wearing underwear featuring super-heroes and cartoon characters as well. I think I was punished corporally for that episode at school, but unlike the other times when I had to be spanked at school, it was not an episode repeated at home.
My corporal punishments were always the worst because I was not spanked at home frequently or that I can really remember (I only know that in school spankings were followed by after school ones by word of mouth). The school ones were always the worst because the Principal also taught the fifth graders and you had to be spanked in front of them (no, they did not get the pleasure of viewing my Superman man-panties) and I had usually enraged my principal by needing to be caught. Despite what Kipp will tell you, I do not go down without a fight.
My escapes were worthy of a television sit-com or a movie about bad children. I remember one time climbing up on a shelf in the supply room and pushing things down on the person chasing me.
I was the only Kindergartener in detention, too.
I was good at home, I was good at every other school I have been a student at � or better at not being caught. Now I am excellent at not being caught.
