holy moses

My God Mother just called and informed me that my cousin was living in Western Samoa with a family of Mormons � with fifteen children. She was also bit by a scorpion � or perhaps stung � but she is okay. She is only in pain. Pain is weakness, or possibly your soul, leaving the body.

I think that if I lived with Mormons that I would make it my mission, even just subconsciously, to offend them in every possible way. Ha! A subconscious would seem to imply that I had a conscious at all.

Today in class one of the boys in the room called one of the girls, �fat.� Before I had the opportunity to cut him off at the knees for it, she said, �You are fat, too!� It was true for both of them; they could use quality time on the tred-mill.

I do not heart Huckabees. The movie was awful. I never wanted to see a sex scene involving Jason Schwartzman. It was perhaps the most unsexy thing I have ever witnessed. Hopefully, it was supposed to be disgusting. Also, they photo shopped breasts onto Jude Law, which will give me nightmares for weeks, months and maybe a year if the knowledge that I have �Jason Schwartzman humping� in my subconscious. Do not get my wrong, I love Lily Tomlin but she did not a movie make.

I would, however, pay any amount of money to have Lily Tomlin follow me around, and spy on me. Just having Lily Tomlin around would be excellent.

A parent called me a couple minutes ago and wanted me to get dressed and drive her kids homework over to their house. She is over zealous and burning her kid out. I want to say, �back off bitch, your kid is already tapped to be honor graduate so leave him alone.� She is making me crazy. I am going to adopt her kid and keep him for my own just so he is not so screwed up.