irony is the spice of life
playing hooky
Today I skipped church. I live in the attic of the church and am employed by the school, (which is a subsidiary ministry of the church) so not worshiping on Sunday is very brazen of me. There are few good reasons not to walk down the steps and into church.
Today I just did not feel like getting out of bed, putting on nice ironed clothing and shoes, being in a room where I am not a member of the group, where I am bored, lonely, and blas�. I know that you do not go to church for entertainment but I do not go to be bored stiff either. I had no intention of paying attention or following along. I need to join a different congregation but it feels rude to leave one church to go to another.
I must have been tired because normally when I skip a worship service I can still hear it.
I did bother myself to get dressed and go to my part time job. While I was strolling into work, I bumped into the attendance taker of this church. She screwed up her face into a snide contortion and said, �where were you this morning?� I gave her my best shit-eating grin and was about to say something in return but my boss saw me and asked me to pick up something heavy. Thank God for small favors and heavy boxes.
near death experience
I normally refrain from expressing unsolicited political opinions or commenting on people�s bumper stickers. Going into Barnes and Noble the other day I was stuck behind an SUV that was plastered with Anti Bush bumper stickers. I thanked the Ad Council for reminding me, �a bumper sticker never changed the world�
I do not think you should be allowed to put, �NO WAR FOR OIL� on an SUV. That is just ridiculous and is the only time where I would object to a bumper sticker.
I did not say anything to this woman while she was in the store. I did notice that her poor driving was due to her being on a hands-free cellular phone but the blessing of those magical devices is that we all get to experience her brilliant conversationalism from any where in the store.
I left a little after she did. I was not stalking her but since she was a walking, one woman NPR she was hard to miss in one sense and easy to miss in the other. I was trudging across the parking lot, wary of my surroundings when her SUV flies into reverse and nearly into me. I pay attention in parking lots and I never speed in them.
She jumped out over vehicle and lunged at me. I thought the invisible �W� on my forehead had finally appeared for the world and she was going to finish what her SUV had failed to. I was staring, perplexed, at a bumper sticker that said in so many words, �stealing an election is not a family value.� It was a long-winded bumper sticker, and it would not have made sense even if the point she was promoting were coherent or logical.
That last sentence was grammatical acrobatics.
This woman grabs me, shakes me out of my daze, and says, �are you okay? I�m sorry!� I looked back at her bumper sticker, pointed to it and said, �Why? Because you failed high school government or (then pointing to the �no war for oil� sticker) you cannot drive this contradiction on wheels while talking on your cell phone? This parking lot is filled with adults not paying attention and children. Be careful, you are lucky that no one would notice me missing for weeks if I died, what if you hit someone that was loved?�
I love that you �Anyone but Bush� liberals insist that he stole the election for wanting ALL of Florida recounted instead of Al Gore�s idea of just recounting the counties that lean Democratic and then Bush takes Gore to court to make sure every vote is counted and you cry fowl. Please, explain to me how wanting every vote counted is stealing the election, while what Gore proposed was not.
Karma Death Two
The second Karma Death will be my vegetarian cousin. She will most likely be eaten by cannibals while she is fulfilling her service to the Peace Corps in the South Pacific. I am not sure if they even have cannibals in the South Pacific anymore but I am sure that they do. I am also sure that they would eat a vegetarian because irony is the spice of life.
New, Better
I have started a BLOG; it will be unveiled shortly. I have also encountered two diaries that I know the rest of you have been reading but are new to me: chubbychic and weetabix. Check those out if you have not already and if you have already checked them out, keep your snark to yourself.
