some lights seem eternal
in this springtime of hope

Hey, Bob Vila

August 10, 2004
Do you remember when the Internet was new? Do you remember that first profile: your real name, address, work place, pictures of your kids, phone number, etc. So many of us had on our profiles, "Come rape and murder us!"

I have a relative who has had America Online so long that her address is her first name.

Now we are a bit smarter and we limit the information we offer on our profiles. We are more guarded about what we tell people about ourselves. My name is a long form of �Chris,� I am a teacher in New England and if you can narrow it down out of all the people who fit that brief profile and actually find me I will buy you lunch. I am registered as a Republican too, which in New England should make your job easier. I am one of five people.

What I am getting at is: we keep things off our profiles. Sometimes we encounter people online and their profiles that lead us to wonder, �What are the keeping from us?� Everyone has a measure of reservation. There are things we do not tell people, so when you read a particularly disturbing profile you wonder what their sense of discretion is holding back.

I am not being abstract here. Last night the mighty Kipp was taunting some boy who found her name off a dating site. You can read the conversation here . Then, at the bottom of the entry go ahead and read his profile. If you need proof that he is a freak, read the whole thing and then read HIS journal. Trust me, you do not really want to read it. Do not comment that Kipp or I sent you if you do.

If you think Kipp needs to hear about her behavior, do not bother. She got a momming from Suburban Island. Suburban Island is a close, personal friend, and the Room Mother of Diary Land. Kipp and I honestly expect to get a spanking from her the next time we get together. We are also sure we deserve it.

After reading that conversation you are ready for:

TIPS ON SEDUCING WOMEN
from a twenty-six year old virgin/member of a religious order

This is a response to Weirdo.

(1) Do not be a jerk. Flattery will not always get you far but being an asshole gets you no-where.

(2) Do not call someone stupid. �maybe you don�t understand�� Yeah, maybe he does not understand that not everyone is desperate.

(3) Calling a girl a fascist, despite what John Ashcroft tell you, is not a short cut to her panties

(4) It is okay to be �frugal� but never admit that to someone.

(5) �You may or may not have an orgasm, but I will� is implied, but do not admit that you have not mastered the equipment

(6) Do not admit to having sex with relatives, even to yourself. If we see you in public we are liable to throw stones or cross the street, depending on our mood

(7) Even if you wish you were swinging a bigger bat, you do not tell potential dates that.

(8) No one wants to know that you are into �working with your hands� or �do-it-yourself�

(9) Gross, your cousin?

12:03 PM :: 2 comments so far ::
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