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Today I returned from my brief vacation.
I slept and slept last night. I slept better than I had since my building was broken into. I did not want to wake up but as I was sleeping on a couch and heard someone tell someone else to be quiet because I was sleeping so I felt obligated to get up. I hate being quiet and not living my life (read: watching cable) when I am at my parent�s house because someone is sleeping on a couch.
Sleeping to avoid coming back to Connecticut did not work so I tried to wreck my car.
I am not a great driver. I would not even call myself proficient. I avoid eating and driving because it just stinks up my car and my ability to operate it. Before I left my cousin�s house, I went and had lunch with Alison. On the way to Panera Carbohydrates, I hit the curb, hard. I was not near the curb but I definitely hit it or something like it. I am confused as to how this happened because I tend to hug the driver�s side of the lane and not the passenger side of the lane. I am glad I did not blow the tire.
After Panera Carbohydrates, we returned to my Aunt�s house where I packed up my car. I am sure I forgot something. I have only noticed the koala missing. I hope they know he eats socks or they are in for a mess.
I was also asked, told, or maybe even commanded by the toll booth operator to get EZPASS as she is tired of having to count out my change. She claims to recognize me because I do this every time I cross that bridge. I make her life miserable and I should look into EZPASS. She, along with most civil servants, should look at their title and be civil while they serve instead of reveling in their own crapulence. I use the word �crapulence� wrong but I use it in the context I learned from C. Montgomery Burns of Simpson�s Fame.
On the way home I saw the Department of Transportation editing the �Welcome to Connecticut� to reflect our own regime change here. Even as a Republican I found this funny and I can set aside politics to laugh in the face of someone else�s misfortunes. He made this mess himself and during the most ugly parts of our Republic�s history when HIS party was attacking Bill Clinton. You would think that someone participating in the Clinton wars would have kept his own nose clean. It was nice to see the change and disappointing that it took so long and that I could not take a picture and drive.
I got home in record time. I played around before going into work at Second Job only to discover I was an hour late. I thought I was early to and did that meander in that reflects the attitude of the perpetually tardy finally on time. This was not the case and the stern Polish manager let me know how angry she was at my inability to write down my schedule, tell time, and consider the needs of others. My one manager bestowed great honor on me today by teaching me to cook and prepare the French fried potatoes. This involves a lot of standing and waiting filled in with the idle chit chat of those who watch others working. My ability to idly chit-chat earned me this spot in what has to be the hottest place at my Second Job. If I were not allowed to guzzle sodas (for free) at an alarming rate I would have died.
I will write in the passive voice if I want to Bill Gates. You can bite my shiny, metal ass.
I also announced that I was the George W. Bush of (legal and proper name of Second Job) because I was college educated but no one could tell that by talking to me and while I am qualified to do my job I have yet to prove it. Do not read that as an endorsement of John �I can see both sides of the issue and have voted that way� Kerry, I will say many things on the cuff to get a laugh because when people are happy they are less likely to push me into a vast of boiling grease. One of our managers is now called �Little Saddam� by everyone I talk to (read: me) so this is a real fear of mine. Boiling grease is no laughing matter and he is not as bad as describe him: I am sure he is much worse.
I also realized at work that the reason I have met no friends there is this: anyone my age who works there and at my level also cannot speak English or cannot tie their own shoes. One of those two has to fit. I say this with a lot of arrogance considering that I cannot perform my duties well at all but that is why I must stay funny so I stay employed. At this point I do not need the money but I also do not need the humiliation of being fired.
Today I felt very clever but at the same time I am sure that you are very bored having read this.
