Healhty Choice, it's the Christian thing to do
I enjoy David Sedaris� writing. Today I bought his book �Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.� not because I am a bandwagon jumper (because I am a bandwagon jumper) but because it had a naked Barbie Doll on it.
Huh? Long, long ago I was on Big Yellow riding home from school. One of my biggest faults is that I stick up for people, whether they like it or not. I was sitting by my �first, last, only and best� friend and someone, for some reason someone said, �you were the boy who�d undress the Barbie Dolls in Kindergarten and feel them up!�
Not only are kids vicious they are also bland in their choice of insults. My first, last, only and best friend has this devilish grin and it lit up his face (and anyone around him involved in the mischief) and he said, �I was.� I looked up from my book (James Baker�s memoir) and looked at him and the person who said it and said, �So was I.�
I hated riding Big Yellow to school. It was not what you were riding but whom you were riding. If I could go back in time and do one thing for myself, I would go back to buy myself or the first, last, only and best a car. No one should have to ride the school bus with the Neanderthals that I did.
So, there is a naked Barbie on the cover of the book and it caught my eye. It reminded me of him and the time before time when I was well, before I unraveled. He remembers me well, no one else does. That it was a book by Dave Sedaris (and more money than I like to spend on a book) did not matter. I wanted the naked Barbie book.
After going to Barnes & Nobel Booksellers I went to Stop and Shop. Supporters of John Kerry stopped me before I could get into the store. They were filthy hippies and they touched me and talked to me. It was horrible. I wanted to scream, �I am a conservative with agoraphobia, leave me alone!� Instead of doing what I wanted I politely listened and when I was told, �It�s like your moral obligation to support John Kerry and stuff.� I looked at the filthy hippie and said, �I support the use of soap.� He went on, I said, �I want the letter �W� tattooed on my forehead.� He started again and I said, �You can bite my shiny, metal ass.�
Look at me, all pimped out shoutingYou can bite my shiny, metal ass!Kipp is the fem-bot behind me with the snazzy hair.
I am not saying all Kerry supporters are filthy hippies. I am saying that these young people were filthy and hippies. I enjoy their company not at all. If you want to convince people to do something start by cutting your hair and fingernails, then take a bath. Dreadlocks are not becoming on anyone but look especially retarded on the heads of white, upper-middle class college students.
The stupid hippies made me forget even why I had gone to Stop and Shop. I forgot to get something for dinner. I went downstairs to see if they had anything good. By �downstairs,� I mean I went into the church�s poor box to see if there was anything good. Usually there is. Today was no exception.
Do not look at me like that. We never actually give the food to the poor. It just sits there and rots so provided the expiration date has not passed us by I eat it. Would it be better to let it rot? I did not think so either. I had �Healthy Choice: Country Vegetable in Beef Stock� and a low carbohydrate Coke. It was fine, nothing to write home.
Oh, thank God, the sleeping stuff is kicking in. Good Night.
