ducks, beer and golf
So, today I went to the mall to get a father�s day card. I hate getting cards for my father because all the cards you can get your dad center on three themes: ducks, beer, and golf � if this were a holiday celebrating Golf Widow I would understand completely but this is my father and none of those things seem to fit.
How ducks became the mascot of fathers or masculinity I do not know. Maybe I am not perceptive or masculine enough to get it but ducks seem innate when you consider their qualities. I do not relate to the duck. I do not relate my father to the duck. There will be no ducks on the father�s day card.
Then there are the cards with beer on them, which seem to me to scream, �I think you are a big, fat, alcoholic Dad and by the way, �Happy Father�s Day!�� What do you write in that card as the personal message? How are you supposed to respond as the recipient of that card? I would be pissed if my son gave me that card. It would seem to be the opposite of what you might want to express on Father�s Day.
The final choice is, of course, golf. My father does not golf. I could not tell you what, exactly, my father does for fun, but I know that it is not golf. I know that his sport of choice was always running and he participated in any intramural sport his particular job offered but I do not know anyone who has a dad who plays golf. He plays cards with my mother and their friends and he has hobbies, none of them are put onto cards.
I did find one that bemoaned the choir of mowing the lawn. Those of you who have faithfully read this page since its inception � which would be me � know that my father had a heart attack (or something like it) in response to mowing our whole yard at once. We have a lot of yard and the yard is a shade-free obstacle course that I take three mornings a week to mow. He did it that with the edging and weed whacking in four hours. We got him a shirt that year that said, �I fought the lawn and the lawn won.�
Mom has since discarded this shirt as distasteful and inappropriate. He thought it was funny and he maintained his sense of humor throughout the ordeal, she however did not and still has no sense of humor. My mother embodies all that is German; it is a kind of odorless, colorless constitution that embraces work over fun. Mowing the lawn remains our joke that she does not appreciate at all.
So, I did find a card and I will mail it tomorrow. It will arrive late but I cannot help that. Finding the right card took so long that I bought two just in case I remember that I did that next year when I can not find one I like.
Cards do not replace a good father/son relationship but try not sending one at all and seeing what it does to the mother/son relationship. I do not have the best relationship with my parents but it is not their fault they got stuck with a lemon. I am inert, I do not do anything they can participate in, observe, or photograph. Even if I did I would not invite anyone. I realized today as I was looking for a card for my father that it is impossible to be a part of my life as I do not let anyone in or give anyone a chance to participate in my life. Oh well, you would not like it here during this time of year anyway.
