more iowa test rantings
My class is taking the Iowa Test of Basic Skills. Steve was from Iowa; I wonder what the basic skills they�re testing in light of that. It�s Steve�s basic skills. Here are two cookies: which one is a dog biscuit? Your stepfather shoots blanks. He gives you an ammunition can full of condoms. How many condoms are in the can? A better question is: how many do you actually think you�re going to use? We met the girlfriend, dude; I would have cut my losses and put the condom over her head. He was the consummate mongoloid.
How about my snazzy grammar? I�m all over the punctuation today.
See, when we were kids our dads were in the Army (his still is) and we lived on an Army base that had a lot of Marines on it as well. Steve�s stepfather was a Marine.
The Marines I met at this base, and by extension, their children seemed to me to have an inferiority complex because they always have to tell you, �Marines are better.� I�m sure there are ways to quantify who is better than who in many different ways to prove that each is better than the other service but everyone knows that Yankee Baseball is superior to pretty much everything. If something or someone is TRULY superior the members of said group or proprietor of the thing wouldn�t need to prove to everyone that they�re better. They feel inferior or something and that�s why they need to tell everyone else they aren�t.
No one really cares either way and this was something I only experienced from Marines marooned on that hell of a base. It truly sucked. If you love the Marines, good for you. I respect them. Please don�t leave comments about the Marines because I don�t care.
Steve�s stepfather was a Marine. We heard about the wonderment that was the Marine Corps everyday at the bus stop. I would kick myself for totaling Dad�s car earlier in the year. Steve was a nice guy but could be really annoying and was pretty stupid too.
He ate the dog�s biscuits when he�d come to our house to the point where Mom took his picture and then took the dog�s picture and put the dog�s picture on the dog�s food and Steve�s picture of the human food she had out for friends and neighbors when they came to visit.
The other absurd thing about this kid was that his stepfather was infertile (not to mention fifteen years younger than his mother) and was going to a special fertility clinic two states away for tests on his sperm. Personally, this is a story I would never tell the kids on my bus and if were my story to tell I wouldn�t add that I went along. Going fishing with your father or stepfather, or hunting, car shopping, anything is acceptable to share but not, �we went to the spanking clinic together.� It then became the unifying joke on the bus that if someone asked you what you did over the weekend to remark, �I masturbated with my father� or stepfather � whatever worked. Steve NEVER got it. Never understood that he was being mocked or that it was some how wrong to go to a fertility clinic with someone even if you went into another stall or just waited in the lobby.
When his girlfriend from stepfather�s last duty station came to visit he was given an ammunition can full of condoms. If you�re not aware of how large the ammunition can is think of it this way: two or three shoeboxes. How many cars went without tires? I think that even someone who had lots of sex would be loath to go through that many condoms. This guy was fifteen too, he wasn�t going to get through those condoms the conventional way.
The funny thing about all that is he didn�t use a single one of them but claimed he had sex the entire time the girl was visiting. He didn�t let us meet her but we hung out on the porch and would notice them coming and going from the house. They spent the whole weekend with his parents driving around in this crapped up Mercedes. We also were classless enough to check the ammunition can after she left. They were all still there.
At the bus stop he claimed he had lost his virginity and had sex with her, the first time, for three hours. Upon further questioning from the neighborhood floozy it was apparent that he was still a virgin because of his inability to describe, to her satisfaction, key details. It was proof enough to me that he claimed to have sex for three solid hours that either he was lying or couldn�t tell time.
This kid was out and out ridiculous. Strangest guy I�ve ever met.
