no BBQ on the boat!
Disclaimer: I am a native of Long Island. There are a lot transplanted Midwesterners who move to places within the State of New York who get confused by the nomenclature but for them and every other reader, here is the Empire State Lexicon. When we talk about, �The City,� in New York we mean New York City and specifically Manhattan. When we say, �the Statue,� we mean the �Statue of Liberty.� You can tell the transplants because they get uppity and say �New York is more than just the city!� Everyone else knows to say, �I live on Long Island,� or �I live in Upstate New York,� because those people are proud of their region and also know to be clear and quick in their communication.
Yesterday I woke at four AM so I could make a reasonable train from New Haven to Grand Central Station. There are trains that leave from stations closer to my house but I�d have to switch trains and I don�t feel like doing that.
I got to New Haven around 5:20 AM and was able to make the train shortly there after. I grabbed a Diet Pepsi at Dunkin� Donuts because of the allure of free iTunes. I knew that if I got just one Pepsi I would surely loose and put the idea that I could win free iTunes and satiate my need to gamble. I won a free song, hardly worth it since songs cost less than the Pepsi, but now I know that I can win! Bring on the ghetto Coke!
The train was uncomfortable. When I was in Fourth Grade my father took me, and some other boys, on a ride in a tank out at the training grounds near where he worked. They even fired the tank. It was neat but uncomfortable. If someone offers you a ride on the MTA or a tank take the tank, it�s much more comfortable. I put my iPod on read my Toni Morrison book.
I read two chapters of my book before succumbing to Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and stared out the window. I watched the beautiful countryside of Connecticut become the nicer parts of New York and then progress into the Bronx and Harlem before the train dove underground to end up at Grand Central Station.
The Bronx and Harlem aren�t pretty but I�d rather live there than live in Nebraska, or points west of the Mississippi, ever again. I�d rather have the access to scenery and culture than be where people have a delusion of safety.
I got to New York and joined the press of people getting and out of Grand Central Station, which is grand and central � just not central to any place I try to go.
I had to use the bathroom because I�m a boy and we always have to go the bathroom. That was my first clue that my day in New York was going to be a memorable one. This homeless guy went nuts in the bathroom and started screaming at everyone and making a mess of the place. Police and Soldiers rushed in to break the commotion up.
Unlike many whiney people, I�m glad we have tighter, more visible security.
I left the bathroom and Mary called me. Mary was going to be late, traffic. This was fine, it happens and it gives me a chance to get to Penn Station (where the New Jersey trains come in) without taking a subway or a taxi. I enjoy walking and I would walk a lot more places if I could.
I walked down to meet Mary and she was going to be really, really late. Like fifteen minutes from her original time! Not a big deal. On my way, to amuse myself and promote my own agenda I took pictures on the phone for Kipp and tore down inappropriate Anti-Bush propaganda. Everyone is entitled to express an opinion but the law does state that you�re not allowed to lie and rumor monger. I�m really tired of the, �let�s give Saddam Hussein the benefit of the doubt,� idea.
I normally come into New York from Long Island when I�d visit my sister there. I know where Penn Station is and where you come out of Penn Station. I also know where my cousins, from New Jersey, traditionally come out so being a boy I naturally assume Mary was mistaken when she said 7th and 32nd streets, my cousins come out at 6th and 32nd streets. Not a big deal.
I went into the station because I was cold but this foreign woman pissed me off because she was being rude to one of the soldiers at a security station. If you don�t like it here, leave. Go home. The woman was French oddly enough and I had half a mind to slap her. I�ve been to her country and they are a police state, we are not. Also, if she doesn�t like it, leave. So I went outside again, I can�t stand people who are rude to soldiers � you suck.
So I stood outside of 7th and 32nd streets and asked if I could help hand out the fliers that are ALWAYS being handed out. They wouldn�t let me help and they were very rude about it. Next time I�m going to make my own fliers and hand them out next time. Sharing is a nice thing to do, bastards.
Well, as I stood there, annoyed at the jerks who wouldn�t share their fliers Mary called me asking me where I was and I realized that there was indeed a station exit where she said there would be. I rushed over there to play, �where are you?� since I walked right past her, onto a traffic island.
Do you ever wonder how much of your life you spend with your fly down? I spend too much time like that.
We then walked up to the Empire State Building and went up. It was foggy in New York, something you couldn�t tell from the ground but something we became aware of once we were up there. On a good day you can see where my sister lived on Long Island and Connecticut. You could still see a lot and it was neat to be this high up in the air.
After that we went to the Scholastic Flag Ship Store. We walked over thirty blocks there because I had done it before from Penn Station so it wasn�t a big deal, right? Wrong. It was over thirty blocks from the Empire State Building to SoHo where the store was. I had looked at the map, I had been there before so I didn�t think to review it and check a bus or subway route.
I nearly killed Mary with what will be forever immortalized as, � Mary�s Death March across Manhattan Island.�
After we went to the Scholastic Store we went to the subway, got lost on it and ended up in Brooklyn (a place my sister expressly forbade me to go) and then ended up near the site of the World Trade Centers. We walked around it and took pictures of it and then foraged for lunch.
We first went into a Burger King but were accosted by this scary man in line. He kept talking to us about this video game where you�re the third party candidate in the 2004 Presidential Election. We left and tried to find a place where we didn�t have to wait and could sit down.
We found this at the World Financial Center where I also, after eating, left our map that I had been doing a terrible job following. We walked a while and then had to go back to restaurant to get the map.
We then walked another while to the Liberty Island Ferry. To get on the ferry you have to go through a security screening. Basically you had to get naked and have your stuff gone threw, again there were French people complaining about it. Go home. I have nothing to hide and don�t mind the security because it keeps us all safer.
I enjoy boat rides and wanted to ride on the front to take pictures of the Statue of Liberty from the boat. The boat lurched and I nearly knocked Mary off the boat. I�m clumsy.
On the boat they informed you that on the Liberty/Ellis Island Ferry you couldn�t play ball, run, jump, smoke HAVE SEX or BARBEQUE. I was really mad about not being able to barbeque because I had carried this grill around with me all day and had made Mary lug around a side of beef and charcoal. We were going to share, but no dice. We couldn�t barbeque.
We went around Liberty Island and looked at the statue, took pictures of this and that. We had to endure a Park Ranger sharing his political views as a part of the tour (I�ve already shared my complaints with the Department of the Interior). Even if I had agreed with his views I still would have been uncomfortable with someone sharing their personal politics as a part of a tour. It isn�t right and while you have the Freedom of Speech you don�t have that as a government employee on duty. I was probably just hungry because I couldn�t barbeque on the boat.
The sign on the Statue of Liberty, the poem? It�s too long, we�ve shortened it to �Just send over the people you don�t want. Send us your ruffians, your radicals, your trash, your religious fanatics because SERIOUSLY we don�t have enough of our own � we need yours.� I�d like to change it to, �Wanted: hard working, decent people with open minds, FOR citizenship in the United States and a shot at the dream that is America.�
After this we departed the island, went back to the subway and traveled uptown to Penn Station where we said our good-byes. Mary cried but I told her it would be okay. We�d always have New York.
I walked back up to Grand Central Station and looked around the bookstore for something to read on the train. I was browsing �Atlantic Monthly� when someone who was near me and looking at the (impressive, if not shocking) collection of pornography told me that from reading HIS magazine that he had learned how NOT to get lock-jawed and offered to demonstrate this on ME, I turned to the woman next to me and said, �Honey, this man says that he just read an article on how to avoid lock-jaw and wants to show me, what do you think?� She said, �Baby, that�s disgusting and besides I don�t think he�d have that problem with you.� The man was truly embarrassed, apologized and walked off. The woman said, �Well, now at least we have something to BLOG about.� I said, �Indeed we do.� I didn�t get the magazine I was looking at, $6 is too much.
I got on my train and was alarmed to learn that you could drink beer on the train. The person next to me had three big cans of Foster and had trouble getting OFF of the train at his stop in Bridgeport. He also used the in-train toilet and I personally would sooner soil myself than use the bathroom there.
I was annoyed on my way home that while calling my sister on the phone to tell her something this person said to me, �Can�t you entertain yourself for an hour on the train without annoying everyone?� This was the first time I had shown signs of life and I said, �I am entertaining myself, I�m on the phone!� I proceeded to call everyone that was home. Me and my cell phone, me and my cell phone ALL DAY.
I got home safe.
I have a wonderful time, took hundreds of pictures and I think Mary might even live to see Monday.
