Don't be fooled by this iPod that I've got, I'm still J. Crew from the block
My head is big enough to be in Mr. Macy�s next parade.
For lesser reasons my head swelled to mythic proportions this evening while at J. Crew. I could marry the J. Crew woman. She said, �You�re dressed very nice. You look VERY J. Crew.� I know she was doing her job as a sales person but I wanted to buy EVERYTHING from her because it is my goal in life, above all else, to look J. Crew. It is why I work. It is why I diet. Viva La Crew.
Another reason that my head had trouble fitting though the narrower passages of the Earth was that I got to be seen in public with Jenny (from the block) who is one of the most down to earth and glamorous people I know.
She�s really intelligent and funny, I�ll like her even if she got an argyle sweater this evening and I didn�t and she was nice and mentioned that I was trying on women�s hats at J. Crew. The hats were in the Men�s Clearance and I looked good in them, at only $9.99 a piece I�d have gotten them all. Jenny got the best one of the lot (I got none) and it�s just as well, hats make my head look big.
Jen is a genius. We went to Target and she has a bargain radar bred into her somehow. She found all this great stuff on sale. I got a masculine duvet cover for $10 and a bottle opener so (thank the Jesus) I can finally open my beer. This is all Jen�s doing. She rules.
She, however, got the best thing today when she acquired an iPod at the Apple Store. The people who work there are the Uber Pricks. I wanted to say, �I�m sorry, you don�t own Apple, motherfucker, you work for it and when you go home tonight wash your hair and have your life partner do a better job of shaving your back hair, it�s creeping out again.�
You have to ask yourself in situations like this, WWSID? What WOULD Suburban Island do? You just keep your calm, order a latte and complain about it on the Internet when you get home. Diary Land: it�s what we�re here for.
Jen has an iPod, I have an iPod. All the cool kids have iPods.
