some lights seem eternal
in this springtime of hope

as hard and as dark as darth vader's helmet

January 09, 2004
Yesterday I was buzzing around my apartment doing my Laura Brown impression when I heard the doorbell ring.

Now, because of where I live my doorbell never rings so I wasn�t surprised when I heard the doorbell for the church offices ring. I was in the back of the apartment so I went over to the bedroom that overlooks the parking lot. Anyone who wanted to see me would ring the bell and then stand out in the parking lot where I�d be able to see them.

It took me a while to get from the back of the apartment to the front for one reason or another and when I got to the front of the apartment instead of seeing someone waiting for me to let them in I saw someone scoping out my car. I watched him for a minute so I could describe him if he did anything to my car but then when it looked as if he had found out that my car is indeed empty, I opened the window and yelled down:

It�s empty, you took everything last week!

I felt like I was on the Muppets. God, I love the Muppets like I love beer. I could just imagine the one Muppet who rides the bike and looks like John Denver saying that, his head bobbing up and down as puppets have wont to do while the Swedish Chef chucked fish at him and the old geezers said something caustic and laughed.

Upon hearing me he limped off towards the Salvation Army, otherwise known as, �Christians who put other people�s money where their mouth is.�

I know the liberals who read this have stated time and again that I need to put some compassion back into my conservatism. I know that Cory would have tossed down his wallet to the man and offered his own mother for the drug addicted bum�s gratification but I�m just not that kind.

My heart is as dark and as hard as Darth Vader�s helmet. You are way out of luck if you�re looking for help here. I cannot stress that enough.

Here�s a refresher course:

Compassion Conservative

Soulless Bastard

Photos courtesy of Kipp�s Porno Inferno

New Rings to Rule Them All

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12:45 PM :: 1 comments so far ::
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