cheaper by the dozen?
As you know from the previous episode of �The Bible According to Spritopias� that Jacob had stolen his twin brother�s birthright and had fled to the country where his Mother, Rebekah, had come from.
Well, when he gets there we start our story:
Jacob gets to Haran, the land that his mother had come from. He hooks up with mother�s brother, Laban, and Laban takes him in. Jacob falls in love with Laban�s daughter Rachel. For those of you who are slow on the uptake: she�d be his cousin.
Well, Jacob isn�t the type who�d just loaf around Uncle Laban�s house � he had gone to work for his uncle. His uncle, not wanting Mehrhoff-styled family discord asked Jacob wanted for his wages.
Jacob said, �I want to marry your daughter,� which would be his cousin. So they agree that he�ll work for Laban for seven years so that he can marry Rachel.
The time comes for Jacob to seal the deal and marry Rachel but there is a problem. She has a sister, Leah. Leah is not like Leah Harmon. Leah is fat, Leah is ugly, and Leah has a lazy eye. We won�t even start with the big hair. Leah is the older sister and you have to marry her off before you can marry off the pretty one.
The wedding night rolls around and like I said, they can�t marry off the young one until they get rid of the older one, right? Laban gets Jacob wicked drunk and that solves it. Jacob wakes up the next morning next to the older sister.
Jacob confronts Laban about the situation and Laban tells him, �you�re stuck with her, give me seven more years of your life and you can have the other one.� So, Jacob puts in seven more years and gets the wife he wanted.
This is where the story is a sad one because if you�re not with the one you love, love the one you�re with, right? Well, Jacob is shaping up to be the consummate asshole. Jacob doesn�t love Leah so God blesses her with children, lots and lots of children. The Bible only tells about the sons she bore and the sons her servants bore � which turns out to be ten of them � and a daughter, Dinah, who is only mentioned because of a rape scandal later in the book. Rachel gives birth to two sons and the labor on the second one kills her. It�s pretty tragic but the Bible is pretty clear: favoritism sucks and you�ll suffer for it.
Well, after a while Jacob gets tired of Laban�s bate and switch practices of paying people so he decides to take his wives and kids and skip town. On the way out of town Rachel steals her dad�s idols. He goes after them wanting his action figures back, Rachel puts them under her saddle when they�re caught up to and claims to be on her period so he won�t ask her to stand up. Laban lets them go on their way, end of story.
So, I tell this whole thing and one of the boys said, �So this is like Cheaper by the Dozen?�
New Rings to Rule them All
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